With the birth of internet parenting groups a new form of connection and support was also born.
And I think we have all been ‘THAT’ mom who reads something ridiculous and just starts typing without actually thinking. I have been ‘THAT’ mom – A sanctimommy
I came across a post in a parenting group that literally made my jaw drop. A mom described her, her partner, and her new baby girl driving down the highway when all of a sudden the baby decided she had to eat right then and there. Instead of waiting until their destination or pulling over, the mom decided to take the baby out of the car seat to feed her – while the car was still in motion.
I typed out my response clearly in reaction mode. I was in no was way attempting to educate the mom, I was just reacting to my feelings. I got kicked out of the group, and rightfully so. I was not offering support or advice. I was just being mean. I am still not apart of that group, but I did message the admin with an apology to them AND toward the mom (they passed that apology on for me). I knew I was clearly wrong and needed admit that, apologize, and learn from my actions.
Now I am apart of many other parenting groups, and witness these sanctimommies in almost every post. Can I just say sanctimommies, your not doing anyone any favours. I know, I have been there. You are not only putting down a fellow parent, you are also making yourself look really bad.
So how do you NOT act like a santimommy?
Follow the age old rule: If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. The point of these groups is to offer support and help educate parents. So let the mom know she’s not alone – I mean who hasn’t had made a bad parenting call. Share useful links that come from reliable sources. Offer non judgmental answers. Or just move on. Believe it or not, we can agree to disagree with each other and still be civil.
We all have our own opinions on how to care for our children. The problem is it is so easy to sit behind a computer and spew out hateful and mean comments and memes in response to situations where we might not even have all the information. It is so easy to sit behind a computer and be a judgmental hypocritical keyboard warrior. It’s is so easy to be a sanctimommy. Don’t be a sanctimommy like I was.
Have you been guilty of being a sanctimommy? It’s okay… you are not alone. I am guilty right there with you. But remember a bad moment, day, or week doesn’t make anyone a bad person. These moments are a part of our journey in life. Ask for forgiveness, learn from these moments, and move on.
Note: I think it goes without saying that I am talking about how people choose to feed their children, sleeping arrangements and so on – I am not talking about cases of abuse. Obviously those need to be reported.